11 February 2007

Arnie Impression

03 November 2006

Great Balls of Fire

This is how not to do a flaming shot........

I feel sorry for his friend, who was innocently standing in the background and has now got third degree burns on his balls.

02 November 2006

Naughty to call children "naughty"

An "expert" is claiming that it is wrong to call your child "naughty" as it might damage the child's self-confidence (see report).

I have rarely heard such utter crap.

As a child I was frequently called names such as "whining little sh!t" or "naughty little f**ker" whilst being dealt some quite serious beatings). None of this harmed my feelings of self-esteem in the slightest.

On the contrary, my sense of self-worth borders on hubrice and my arrogance is such that most people I know are willing to cross the street in order to avoid me.

How do these so-called "experts" explain that?

Gratuitous image of child with gun

I say we go back to those "good old fashioned values" where floggings for trivial offences was the norm and men were real men.

The Good things about Dubya

The best things about Bush are that he is not very clever and he does not think before he speaks...

Scary to think that this dullard has his finger on "the button"

Borat's Song

The only thing more shocking than the content of Borat's song is the reaction of the crowd...

01 November 2006

Pete gets finger stuck in Kate's ring

Pete Doherty had to dash to hospital with Kate Moss after he got his finger stuck in her ring!

Apparently Kate giggled as nurses used "lubricant" and "clippers" on her ring to remove Pete's finger.

Pete "Big Fingers"

F**k me bandy! There is no way I would be lauging if someone had their finger wedged in my ring and it had to be removed with a sharp implement. She must have been on drugs or something.

This just shows to what depths Kate has sunk (again) and that rehabilitation does not work (again)!

Women Drivers

I'm not saying that men are better drivers than women but a woman in America recently crashed her car into the examiner's office immeditately after completing her driving test.

And look at this bird so proud of her parking...

And this one...

And as if any more proof were needed...

This must fuel the debate on whether females should be banned from driving altogether... silly bints.

One solution might be this...

Tee hee...

26 October 2006

It doesn't matter if you're black or white...

Well apparently not for this couple who gave birth to twin girls, one black and one white.

Is this a random freak of nature from these two parents, or did the mother go and shag a white dude followed shortly by a black dude?

Or are they trying to start a Benetton ad?

Or did they just dip one of them in milk and the other one in chocolate?

Or has one of them been out in the sun a bit longer?

Or did they steal both of the babies and didn't think about the potential questions asked that they are different colours?

I feel sorry for the white kid... forever knowing that her twin sister will be able to jump higher, run faster and dance better.

23 October 2006

Borat Faceoff

Kazakhstan is fighting back against being characterised by Borat as a nation of misogynists, racists and anti-Semites who get drunk on fermented horse urine. How? They are sending a "diplomat" to the premier of Sasha Baron Cohen's new movie: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (see preview) to challenge Borat to a duel.

If that doesn't improve Kazakstan's global standing then I don't know what will.

Borat: ready to rumble?

Second Nuclear Test for Kimmie?

If power-crazed madman dictator Kim Jong Il does decide to test another atomic bomb then may I make a suggestion: rather than wastfully setting it off deep underground in a remote location he should consider using it for a worthwhile cause... like vaporising former rock star and convicted kiddy-fiddler Gary Glitter.

22 October 2006

Evolution? Schmevolution!

If Darwin was right about evolution then why don't monkeys turn into humans any more?

And why don't fish grow legs?


Why is it that every time there is another terrorist attrocity that people start asking why the world has gone crazy? What these people don'e realise is that we're never going to survive unless we are a little crazy... at least according to Seal...

Seal - we need to be crazy

Arise Sir David

Rumours abound that David Beckham, famed for his impressive long inswinging balls, is set to be knighted in the Queen's new years honours list.

The thing is that this will actually make Posh Spice a "lady". If that is not an impressively dramatic irony then I don't know what the f*ck is.

Pure class - Posh as you like

Drugs are for Mugs!?

Getting busted for taking cocaine and going out with a complete no-hoper drug addict seems to have done Kate Moss' career nothing but good as she continues to earn millions.

I attempted to deploy a similar career advancement strategy by going on a drunken rampage in the office last week, fuelled on a cocktail of gin, wine, cigarettes and coffee.

Imagine my surprise when my efforts were greeted by my employers with little more than disdain and a written warning for destroying company property.

This is a perfect example of double standards. What is the world coming to?

Moss - eye for a deal

McCartney Hypocrisy

Paul McCartney won't eat sausages but he is quite happy to have ivory on his piano keyboard. Does he really expect us to believe that if they started making pianos out of sausages that he'd suddenly start eating elephants again?

Frankly I am glad he is being fleeced by a monogambist profiteer.

Bearded McCartney - not smiling now