26 October 2006

It doesn't matter if you're black or white...

Well apparently not for this couple who gave birth to twin girls, one black and one white.

Is this a random freak of nature from these two parents, or did the mother go and shag a white dude followed shortly by a black dude?

Or are they trying to start a Benetton ad?

Or did they just dip one of them in milk and the other one in chocolate?

Or has one of them been out in the sun a bit longer?

Or did they steal both of the babies and didn't think about the potential questions asked that they are different colours?

I feel sorry for the white kid... forever knowing that her twin sister will be able to jump higher, run faster and dance better.

23 October 2006

Borat Faceoff

Kazakhstan is fighting back against being characterised by Borat as a nation of misogynists, racists and anti-Semites who get drunk on fermented horse urine. How? They are sending a "diplomat" to the premier of Sasha Baron Cohen's new movie: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (see preview) to challenge Borat to a duel.

If that doesn't improve Kazakstan's global standing then I don't know what will.

Borat: ready to rumble?

Second Nuclear Test for Kimmie?

If power-crazed madman dictator Kim Jong Il does decide to test another atomic bomb then may I make a suggestion: rather than wastfully setting it off deep underground in a remote location he should consider using it for a worthwhile cause... like vaporising former rock star and convicted kiddy-fiddler Gary Glitter.

22 October 2006

Evolution? Schmevolution!

If Darwin was right about evolution then why don't monkeys turn into humans any more?

And why don't fish grow legs?


Why is it that every time there is another terrorist attrocity that people start asking why the world has gone crazy? What these people don'e realise is that we're never going to survive unless we are a little crazy... at least according to Seal...

Seal - we need to be crazy

Arise Sir David

Rumours abound that David Beckham, famed for his impressive long inswinging balls, is set to be knighted in the Queen's new years honours list.

The thing is that this will actually make Posh Spice a "lady". If that is not an impressively dramatic irony then I don't know what the f*ck is.

Pure class - Posh as you like

Drugs are for Mugs!?

Getting busted for taking cocaine and going out with a complete no-hoper drug addict seems to have done Kate Moss' career nothing but good as she continues to earn millions.

I attempted to deploy a similar career advancement strategy by going on a drunken rampage in the office last week, fuelled on a cocktail of gin, wine, cigarettes and coffee.

Imagine my surprise when my efforts were greeted by my employers with little more than disdain and a written warning for destroying company property.

This is a perfect example of double standards. What is the world coming to?

Moss - eye for a deal

McCartney Hypocrisy

Paul McCartney won't eat sausages but he is quite happy to have ivory on his piano keyboard. Does he really expect us to believe that if they started making pianos out of sausages that he'd suddenly start eating elephants again?

Frankly I am glad he is being fleeced by a monogambist profiteer.

Bearded McCartney - not smiling now

19 October 2006


As if pitbulls weren't scary enough...

17 October 2006

Life Begins at 40?

Frisky brainbox Gong Duruo, a double PhD holder, has been cruising the net in search of a Doris at the tender age of 105.

King Gong

And you know what... he's hooked up with a chick less than half his age!

I take my hat off to him... randy bugger.

Don't Mess with Bush

In what must be considered a stern warning to the Axis of Evil, and anybody else who does not agree with what US President George Bush says, a 14-year-old girl has been reportedly dragged out of her classroom and interrogated by Secret Service operatives for calling Dubya an "idiot" on her web page.

Tough-man Bush

Meanwhile, puppet-look-alike, tyrannical despot and nuclear powered madman Kim Yong Il was reported to be "sh!tting like a big black Alsatian" on hearing the news of this new show of US strength.

Stop having a massive go at the crazy Japanese grandmother

Top news today - A woman in Tokyo has given birth to her own grandchild.

I don't see why this is such a massive deal. Considering in middle America your own grandmother is not only your mother, but also your sister, cousin and probably brother.

Man Arrested for Farting

A Polish man (Hoffman) is on the run from the police because he farted when asked what he thought of the President!

Hoffman airing his views in police custody yesterday

Thanks goodnes they don't apply the same rules in England, as if you ask any pensioner what they think of Tony Blair they will spontaneously "lay-a-cable" on the spot, and no doubt find themselves doing a ten-stretch in chokey for their trouble!

16 October 2006

Public Sex Ban for Disney Characters

Disney characters have been slammed for having sex in public Reuters reports.

Minnie, pumping up her Mickey?

Randy puppets faced a similar fate after screening the infamous and raunchy "twanging" scenes in the last ever episode of the classic children's TV show Rainbow.

Britney Spears not as greedy as we thought

Some waiter is selling a half eaten egg sandwich on eBay which Britney Spears left at a restaurant.

I cannot believe that she left the sandwich at the restaurant. By the look of her she not only ate her sandwich, but ate the plate, table, napkin and most likely the damn waiter.

So don't go around telling me that half eaten sandwich belongs to Spears, you know and I know she'd eat you if she had the chance.

Britney - forever hungry

13 October 2006

Paris Hilton dies

Ring of Fire

A WOMAN has suffered severe rectal burns after being struck in the mouth by lightning which passed right through her body and out of her anus.

Doctors report that now she has her "ass in a sling" but is making a good recovery.